Thursday, September 01, 2011



There is nothing more disconcerting when you are trying to squeeze one out on the office toilets than to listen to the person in the next cubicle down having a telephone conversation whilst you are trying to go about your business.

In fact, it goes against all rules of toilet etiquette and should be stamped out forthwith.

Disgusted to the point that I was angry to the point that I NEARLY said something, I instead opted for a few nearly passive aggressive spoiler tactics

- Flush three times

- Parp as loudly as possible

- Aim for a bigger splash

- ...followed by a relieved "Jeeeeesus!"

- Knock on the partition wall and ask if they have any paper I can borrow

- Sing a song. "All the single ladies" gets you there

- Flush twice

- Say "Get off the phone, darling and come back to bed"

- Flee
Then, watch toilet door from discrete distance, to found out who this BLASPHEMER might be, and pity the fool

Let this be a lesson to you all.

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