The demise of the three-party political system

It was a beautiful late summer's day, somewhere, somewhere in a garden in Hampshire. Tea on the lawn, the dogs running free, a good book in the shade of an apple tree.

Then, Jane's mother stood up, turned round, farted, and sat down again.

Not a word was said, and I thought we were getting on so well.

And here's the nub. Jane's mother is a former mayor of the Borough of Basingstoke and Deane, and - a rarity these days - a popular Liberal Democrat councillor.

But if these are the depths to which Coalition parties have sunk, then I have no truck with the broken political system in which we live and toil. Nick Clegg should bear full responsibility for this outrageous attack on an innocent member of the third estate, and I demand his head on a plate, the moon on a stick and a cloud in a jar.

Or, she just really needed a guff.