Duck (innocent victim) vs Morrisons (evil corporation)

WARNING: This post contains scenes of excessive self-righteous whining

SUMMARY: It's not about the principle, it's about the money

You'd have thought that if a major company - say- breaks your car, they'd offer a sincere apology and pay you for the damage. Right?

To which I reply: A ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HAAAAAAARGH!!!!!

Let me take you back to March this year.

~~~~~ WAVY LINES ~~~~~

Snow was on the ground as I drove into the petrol station at Morrisons in Fleet on a Friday afternoon.

SPANG! Went my car as I drove over a broken drain cover, and PSSSSSST! went my tyre as all the air escaped out of a bloody great puncture.

I took some pictures of the site to back up my claim, at which the manager came running out to see what was going on.

"Yes," he said looking at the drain, "That's all our fault - should have been fixed weeks ago. Send us an invoice and we'll pay you back in full."

So I sent in an invoice for £60 - the price of the second cheapest new tyre at a well-known tyre emporium whose fitters you can't get kwiker - and waited. And waited.

"So, what about my sixty quid?" I asked several weeks later.

"Oh, that," said another manager, "We seem to have lost your letter. In any case, you should have sent it to head office."

So, I sent another invoice to head office. And waited. And waited.

"So, what about my sixty quid?" I asked several weeks later.

"Oh, that," said a phone centre drone, "We've passed it to our insurance team. You need to speak to them."

"Oh, that," said the insurance team as we wave goodbye to May and welcomed the frozen snows of June, "Could you send your invoice again? Oh, and the receipt for the original tyre."

Alarm bells. I knew where this was heading - they wanted to palm me off with less than I paid to repair my car and only pay me for a damaged *part worn* tyre.

"Oh no you don't," I say, "Sixty quid, and by rights a bit on top for the months I've been left out of pocket."

"We'll see what we can do."

~~~~~ END OF WAVY LINES ~~~~~

And June turns to July. Snow is still on the ground as a cheque finally plops onto my doormat. Forty pounds. Forty chuffin' pounds.

The accompanying letter whines on about "indemnity" and a policy of not paying "new for old".

This is - of course - utter bollocks. There's policy, and there's reality.

It's my policy to insist on being chased around Fleet Library by hot librarians. The reality is that this is never going to happen.

Morrisons broke my car because they left a big lump of metal sticking out of the road (and indeed didn't fix the drain until 20 May), and then tried to palm me off with only two-thirds of my car repair.

Not having that, and told them as such. I might, in the heat of the moment, have bragged about 3,487 followers on Twitter

As curator of Angry People In Local Newspapers, I am well aware of the irony of my position. Should I stand pointing wanly at the Fleet branch of Morrisons for the Fleet News and Mail, clutching my unwanted cheque for forty quid? Damn right I'm going to.

Better still, I'm going to tell the internet.

Internet: Consider yourself told.

And after all that anger, here's a picture of a laughing dog.

He's having a jolly good laugh at you, Morrisons. You and your insurance team.

Don't get me wrong. I like our Morrisons. They're local, they're good value and they're convenient. But the loss adjusters in their head office are acting like a bunch of arses and that's wrong.