Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Seems Legit Spam Email of the Year

I get email. 

And what an email it is.

Click to embiggen

And here it is in full:

Attention: Dear Customer,

We need to confirm that this is Truth Before the bank will Release Your Funds to one Jennifer Scott. This Office was contacted by one Jennifer Scott, From Canada Who Claim to be Your Partner she Promise to finalize everything regarding your Claim as Your Next Of Kin. she said that you were Involved In A car Accident Last  year December 20014 and Die without providing a death certificate. 

We need to confirm that you are truly dead before we can Release the Fund to her. We Believed That You are Dead But As a Federal Office We need a Proof for Record Purposes Before We Can Release the Funds To her Therefore, Your Silent is a Clear Proof That you Are Dead. Note we will commence On the Release of your Funds To your Next Of Kin from next week if we do not hear from you, May your Soul Rest in Perfect Peace Amen. 

Mr.Paul Walter
Director Debt reconciliation Department 

I know what you're thinking: "Poor, dead Alistair, he was aces."

But here's the rub, I'M NOT DEAD.

Luckily, my pals at Google Mail have come up with a warning just in case I am irredeemably stupid:

Be careful with this message. Similar messages have been used to steal people's personal information. Unless you trust the sender, don't click on links or reply with personal information 

Now, we're all sensible people who don't fall for scams, so if you'll be so kind to all send me £400 to prove you are not dead, let us go our separate ways.


Mr Larrington said...

The obvious thing to do is to e-mail them back to tell them that yes, you are indeed dead, and intend to sue their arses off for disturbing your eternal rest.

Or just send the Grammar Sweeney round to smash up their offices on a regular basis until they emigrate.

Anonymous said...

On the plus side, you have it in writing that are not due to die for another 17999 years. That's legally watertight, right?

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Duck.

I am very much alive and well. As proof, I would like to send you my £400.00.

Unfortunately, I don't know where to send the cheque. Therefore, if you could send me ALL your bank details, I will ask my Nigerian bank to arrange an overseas money transfer direct to your account.

I look forward to hearing from you.