Morning, human scum. Moderately Evil Penguin of the newly-formed Penguin Liberation Front (Officials) here. Still taking over the world and still cornering the world fish market, even without those limp-winged bastards at the Penguin Popular Liberation Front. Splitters. And the People’s Popular Penguin Liberation Front. Splitters.
Our massed penguin army may be slightly smaller than it once was, but the six of us are more than willing to lay down our lives for the cause. Except me of course, being the leader an’ all that. Stands to reason that does.
Any road up, we’ve still got the Duck, and despite our threats, our demands still have not been met. Penguins are still wearing bowties, and that smug bastard Ben Elton is still appearing on television on a disturbingly regular basis. All we’ve had so far is one tin of sardines and some green wobbly bits garnered from a raid on the Kitty Chunks Cat Food factory that we’re saving for when we’re really desparate. Send fish! Or at the very least some of Elton's vital organs. We're not fussy.
As you can see from this photograph released through our agent Kennamatic, the Duck is alive and well and hasn't been cooked just yet. But one false move and I'll be getting out my copy of Jamie Oliver's Big Book of How to Cook a Pukka Duck, and it's orange sauce time. And I can assure you that despite what it looks like, there's no funny business going on. We were saving water. That's right. Saving water.
And finally, news reaches PLF(O) Headquarters of Agent Paddles, who has successfully infiltrated Blogjam and will be pecking an unsuspecting Fraser to death any day now and using his credit card to run up a huge mail order fish order. Good work that Penguin.
No surrender! Say "No" to Penguins wearing bowties! Death to the splitters! Death to the oppresive human scum, except for those who work in the fishing and seafood wholesale industries!
Oh, and have a go on this. It's penguin flavoured.