Friday, March 07, 2003

”Commercial Break”

“Become a Ninja Master with these free deadly throwing stars with Practical Ninjitsu Magazine! Learn how to kill, maim and inflict bodily pain on your friends and relations with everyday household implements, just like that Jackie Chan fella. We’ll show you how to dress in black and remain stylish without being mistaken for Marilyn Manson. Find out about shuriken etiquette and the correct way to order pizza without maiming the wife.

”I was a pathetic weakling until I read Practical Ninjitsu Magazine, and now I’m the world’s first Ninja Daytime TV Presenter!” - Dale Winton.

“Building up in weekly parts, you’ll find yourself a master of the ancient Japanese code of honour in no time. Free binder with issue three! All at the stunning price of 1.99 (normal price 3.99, and we’ll be hiking that up to 5.99 at issue 108, just when you’re within sight of completing your collection, you mug – and just think, you could have bought the book for a tenner at Smiths).”

I have already started on the road to becoming a Ninja. Yesterday, I painted the garage door a rather fetching shade of blue. Master Splinter says it needs another coat, or he’ll tear my gizzards out.

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