Saturday, May 24, 2003


Thanks to a rather compelling request from the local chapter of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club, it's Kitten Week at Scaryduck. And who are we to argue?

Kittens are great, aren't they? We here at Scaryduck Labs are of the firm opinion that if we mail a kitten to every world leader, there'd be no more wars. Let's look at the facts. President Clinton had a cat called Socks, and he hardly got into many wars at all apart from those messy misunderstandings in Somalia, Iraq and Yugoslavia, which were all the fault of careless dog owners. President Bush, on the other hand, is the owner of a satanic hell-hound called Barney who has convinced his master of the need for constant global warfare.

And let us not forget our very own Tony Blair. One minute, Britain is at peace with a cat called Humphrey living at Number Ten, the next minute, Humph's been done away with and our once-revered leader has turned into a warmongering savage. He's not known as Bush's poodle for nothing.

Nohands watch
What's the time? Time for kittens!

Dogs: evil. Kittens: cute and fluffy. No amount of warped dog-ist propaganda is going to change that. When was the last time you saw some red-coated fox hunting buffoon charging round the countryside shouting "Tally Ho!" with a pack of cats? Our point exactly.

A well-aimed kitten dropped in the laps of world leaders would change the face of world history as we know it. And that is why we have developed this Kitty Cannon - time, accuracy and fluffiness is of the essence if our mission is to suceed. Don't worry, kitty-lovers out there, each kitten is specially trained and is provided with his own cute little helmet. And we've hardly lost any so far. Thirty to forty, tops.

Kittens: The answer to this world's problems. No kitten ever started a war (apart from that unfortunate "Let them eat cat" business in the Frech Revolution). Think love. Think pussy.

The Scaryduck Archive

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