Thursday, May 22, 2003


Okay, so I might have been a bit hasty declaring Ghostbusters the greatest movie off all time. Yes, I forgot Spinal Tap, and yes I forgot Animal House, Braindead, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Lord alone knows what else. Therefore, this is open to a vote. Speak your brains on your top slacking-off movie, and it will be declared the greatest film ever. Nothing arty and NO chick flicks (execpt Fever Pitch, which is a bloke movie/chick flick hybrid). You will be sneered at.

Joy sent me a link to this movie, and I now declare Vampire Lesbian Kickboxers the greatest movie I've never seen. I also note from its IMDB listing that it is “currently awaiting five votes.” It is now your patriotic duty to go to IMDB and give this one a ten. Go. Now. NOW.


Another thing Joy was talking to me about last night was the female desire to toilet train their men. Funny she should mention this as it is actually the subject of my PhD thesis towards my Doctorate in Geezerness (This may actually not be true) "The social functionality of the public convenience in gender politics." If you'll pardon my indulgence, here is a brief extract:

"It is a disappointing aspect of the male/female nexus that women just do not realise the important social function that a raised toilet seat performs. It's a known fact (Winklemeyer, p.879), that due to the greater alcohol intake, men need to go to the toilet more than women. Therefore, the next user of the convenience IS MORE LIKELY TO BE MALE. This follows that leaving the toilet seat up is only making life easier for the next user who will not have to raise the seat.

“However, in the complex world of gender politics, the empowered woman may still believe this is further evidence of outdated male dominance over their female slaves (Frantzen-Schmitt, p.27), she should consider that a raised toilet seat is less likely to have piss on it. In the words of Einstein’s 1950 paper on the subject, “Girls, we're doing it for you. Now stop your fucking whining."

“In the light of this theorem, I propese the provision of corks to all women who need extra time to get the seat down. Put your knickers on love and go make me a cup of tea. White, no sugar.“

"Sweary Friday"

Now I suppose you'll be wanting me to finish the week with one on my Scaryduck stories. You may choose between "Ford", "Cow" and "Mud Hill". Two of these involve youthful dunkings into local watercourses, while the other features more shit than you can shake a ...err... shitty stick at. Choose-o!

Dr Scaryduck's Laboratory of Blokedom

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