Tuesday, July 08, 2003


There is no spoon
Damn you Consecutive Number Plate Spotting! I vowed never to get drawn in, and now see what’s happened. I’ve got to the point where I am pretending not to look for a seventeen, hoping that one will catch me unawares. There is no seventeen. Someone, somewhere is having a right old laugh. Ha bloody ha.

“Scaryduck’s ‘Did You Know...?’ No. 365”

Entering the words "search engine" on any popular internet search engine will cause a catastrophic infinite search loop, creating a massive cross-server overload which will eventually crash the entire internet. It’s a known bug which Google and Microsoft have had top people working on for years.

"Another Bad Movie Review: Titanic"

An impassioned plea by Perky Pat.

Remember that slightly queasy feeling of deflation and disappointment as you left the cinema after watching “Titanic”? And then a few months later, the vague bewilderment of learning that the same picture had also won eleven, yes I say it again, ELEVEN Oscars? Did you ever wonder what those Oscars were actually for? And who actually won them?

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, in order to help reach your final decision I offer the following list of categories, along with the perpetrators and some previous offences of theirs that you may wish to take into consideration in reaching your final decision. You will note also, that more than one of these individuals has taken part in some of the other crimes against filmgoers that are already nominated for the Alan Smithee Memorial Movie Poll.

* Direction by James Cameron who also directed “Piranha II: the Spawning”.
* Cinematography by Russell Carpenter who also cinematographed “Critters 2: the Main Course”.
* Art Direction by Michael Ford who also artily directed "Nostradamus".
* Original Song "My Heart Will Go On" by James Horner and Will Jennings both of whom I personally would cheerfully castrate.
* Film Editing by Conrad Buff who also edited "Spaceballs".
* Original Dramatic Score by James Horner who also originally dramatically scored "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas".
* Visual Effects by Robert Legato who also visually effected “Rambo III”.
* Sound Effects Editing by Tom Bellfort who also sound effected “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace”.
* Sound by Gary Rydstrom who also sounded “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence”.
* Costume Design by Deborah L. Scott who also costume-designed “Wild Wild West”

And to top it all of course, “Titanic” won the Oscar for “Best Picture” - an award you might reasonably expect to be accompanied by a fantastic screenplay and sterling performances from actors in leading roles. Did “Titanic” win any Oscars in those categories? Did it Hell.

My case rests.
Be it on your own heads.

Vote in our bad movie poll!" - a steerage class ticket from Southampton to New York on the maidden voyage of the RMS Titanic for every tenth voter!*

I'm still looking for reviews of A.I. and Freddie Got Fingered. Anybody?

*Offer closes April 10th 1912.

The Scaryduck Archive

No comments: