Saturday, November 08, 2003


Gert at Mad Musings of Me has spent a rather painful night in hospital thanks to some moron from the shallow end of the gene pool throwing fireworks into the pub where she was enjoying a quiet drink.

Now, I've hardly lived a blameless life when it's come to pyrotechnics, but this kind of rampant idiocy really has got me angry. Number one rule of Scary's Blowing Things Up - never involve the general public, not unless you want to see the inside of a Pound-You-In-The-Ass prison. If there's any justice, they'll nail the little scrote who did this and use his brains (what little there are of them) to paint the inside of the Tate Modern and use his guts for a skipping rope at school sports day. That is all.

Get well soon, Gert.

“Scaryduck’s ‘Did You Know...?’ No. 353”

The giant Millennium Wheel in London was built to give the Great British public sedate aerial views of their capital city whilst rotating at a serene two revolutions per hour. However, the first people to ride in the behemoth - a busload of pensioners from a local old people’s home - were involved in a tragic chain of events that led to the near cancellation of the entire project.

The operator, recently recruited from a local funfair, was heard to shout ‘Scream if you want to go faster!’ before cranking the machine up to the maximum 400 revolutions per minute, with the old biddies bouncing around inside like a pair of old boots in a tumble dryer. The survivors were posted home to their nearest and dearest between two sheets of cardboard, while the operator is now in charge of improving services on the London Underground.

The Millennium Wheel opened to the public in February 2000, along with its sister attractions the Jubilee Line Ghost Train, the Big Ben Death Slide and the Buckingham Palace House of Horrors.


Arsenal 2-1 Tottenham.

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