Monday, November 10, 2003

Send more money and fish

Guest Blogger: Pengor

Greetings puny humans. The duck can’t be arsed to blog today, so following the recent trend for letting other people write up your site for you, he’s letting me have a go instead. In which case, I hereby claim this domain in the name of the Penguin Liberation Army (Officials) as our first blow for Penguin Emanciop… Emaenciopti.. Omancipatio… Freedom. As leader of the world Penguin movement, it is my duty to inform you of our intentions in the sphere of international politics. To whit:

* Complete penguin liberation by the year 2005.
* Fish, and loads of it
* The setting up of a penguin government to replace the outmoded human dominated United Nations
* A ten minute shopping dash for the lovely Gloria Fishfinger (who I am not going out with)
* Pickled onions
* Somewhere nice and warm to live where you don’t get eaten by walruses an’ stuff. Like Iraq.
* Fish
* Guns
* Guns that fire fish

To this end, I have gained control the entire fish and chip market in your puny United Kingdom while you’ve been sitting there wondering if some jug-eared idiot’s going to be your King or Queen (neither – you will all be our slaves, peeling potatoes and filleting fish for your penguin masters), and have restricted trade to just one shop – Pengor’s Big Fry on the seafront at Weymouth. Come and get it while it’s hot – Cod and Chips only six hundred quid a portion. Soon, the entire country, desperate for a nice saveloy and a pickled egg will be on its knees, and will be forced to pay all their money to the PLA(O). Before long, the entire British money supply will be in my hands. And then – the world, or something.


Failing that, see you at our karaoke evening, the Old Castle Inn in Weymouth, Tuesday nights, Fish-in-a-Basket a speciality. My “I Don’t Wanna Dance” has just got to be heard to be believed; and a few choruses of “The Lady in Red” should be enough to destroy any civilisation.

Until the Glorious Day, puny Humans!

The Scaryduck Archive

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