This evening, I shall be seen in public with a company of crossdressers and ne'er-do-wells on a night of song, adventure and debauchery. Yes, dear reader, I shall be mostly attending the pantomime. Pray for me.
It's Aladdin. Or Aladin. Or whatever. Starring someone who used to be in EastEnders, someone who used to be in Home and Away, and not starring some bloke who used to be in Footballers' Wives, who stormed off the set in a hissy fit over the length of his hemline.
Fear not, however. I've been to these things before, and I know that they always, always read out the birthday list just before the start of the second act. Today, December 27th 2003, a small boy from Wyke Regis will be celebrating his seventh birthday, and a card from Mummy, Daddy, Granny and Grandad will be read out. His name is Hugh Jampton.
Have I done a bad thing?