Signs that your life may be an empty, emotionless shell: You have a website cataloguing manhole covers of the world.
You should, all being equal, be running a site about the history street lighting. In Eastbourne.
Better still, join the Russian Navy and build your own sauna out of spare parts from the galley. Then set fire to your ship.
Disturbing e-bay auctions
You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll hurl! Get your filthy little paws on CD-ROMs featuring these sirens of British media culture.
Lorraine Kelly, smily, smily Carol Smilie and the thinking man's boiler Carol Vorderman. CD-Roms. For the manky old spunker in your life. Or yourself, if you're strange like that.
Spotted in Toys R Us in Poole - "Flavas", otherwise know as "My Little Chav", proof, if it were needed, that our society is doomed. Pull the string for three separate phrases:
"What you lookin' at, cahnt!"
"Shut it, slag!"
"Got any blow?"
Crap sleb spot
To Linford Christie, spotted on the train between Southampton and Winchester recently: the fact that you are talking into two top-of-the-range mobile phones at the same time may be a sign that your life has been completely taken over by the technology and are microwaving your brain from both sides. And on an observational note, it also makes you look a bit of a twunt.
Bad ideas Department
What better way to mark the merger of Thames Trains and First Great Western into one super ("super" = meaning "shit" in this context) rail franchise by hiring a Basil Fawlty lookalike to the public launch? So they did. The new Director of Timetabling perhaps? Or maybe he's just in charge of the station announcements at Reading: "The train arriving at platform five is the 10:48 service to Torquay. No riff-raff. Sorry about the guard, he's from Barcelona."