Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Roll the tape!

Despite what they're saying in Hollywood, I think the talkies are here to stay.

There was a recent "Greatest Movie Line" poll which I didn't pay too much attention to, seeing as the damn fools let the public vote for it. Seeing that these are the same bunch who once voted Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America" as one of the greatest movies ever made, I have learned to ignore anything that tpurports to reflect the tastes of the public at large.

You're by-and-large a pretty well educated lot, and hardly likely to vote for Scooby Doo 2, so we'll be holding the definitive Movie Quotes Poll this week.

I'll set the ball rolling with a couple of my own suggestions, before opening "Speak Your Brains" to your nominations, with a final vote next week, which will, naturally descend into the usual Florida-style travesty of the democratic process.

* "Gordon's Alive!" - Flash Gordon
* "These aren't the droids you're looking for" - Star Wars
* "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" - Life of Brian
* "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells of... victory." - the otherwise crap Apocalypse Now
* "You have a wonderful mind." "Yes, it's my second favourite organ." - The Sleeper

So, suggest-o! Debate-o! Tell your friends-o! Send me money-o!

A tribute to Jim Davidson 1953 -

Tributes are pouring in for cockney comedian and opinionated bastard Jim Davidson on the off-chance that he might die quite soon.

"It's not fair," says erstwhile radio jock John Peel, as he carefully sharpens a number of ceremonial knives, "John Lennon, Bob Monkhouse, Bobby Chariot, Eric Morecambe - all taken from us by Death's icy hand, yet Davidson still lives. Where's the justice?"

Equally keen to leave a moving tribute to Britain's number one bigot, pint-sized funnyman Ronnie Corbett tells us, "Let me at 'im!" whilst wielding a pump-action shotgun. "I want to torture him first!"

In a recent telephone poll carried out by this organisation, 78 per cent of those questioned said the only time they'd laugh at Jim Davidson would be when "he was lowered into a tank of Piranhas and rabid piranha-proof tigers, singing 'Shaddap you Face' whilst dressed as Joan of Arc."

Peter Stringfellow, Jeffrey Archer, Margaret Thatcher and Rupert Murdoch are still not dead either.

The Scaryduck Archive

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