After yesterday's little episode, that's more than enough killer bees for one lifetime. So, if you'd be so kind as to register your votes for Friday's scary story in the "Speak your Brains" section, I might even remember to take my medication. Nine stories! Nine! "Oh Mr Scary, with your profusion of witty cobblers you are spoiling us!"
* Father Abraham - Humiliation woe
* Barmy ‘Army - Burnt arse woe
* Peace - Norks, not much woe
* Spray that again? - Vomit woe
* Barking Steve - Mad colleague woe
* Piss IV - Toilet woe, with traces of masturbation woe
* Trench Warfare - Up-to-neck-in-shit woe
* Buzzzzzz - Hardly any woe at all. Or bees.
* Osama and I - Al Qaeda woe
Meanwhile, over at Robber Rabbit, The Right Reverend Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, talks to us exclusively on the dying art of dipping your todger in a cup of warm tea.
Kvetch v.: To complain persistently and whiningly.*
A creeping menace is entering our nation - a fearful, evil menace that is rotting the brains of our defenceless citizens who are too cowed to complain.
I refer, of course, not to the evil, perfidious nature of corporate governance because, let's face it, we're all too cowed and defenceless to complain, but to badly dubbed television commercials. What the blummin' fuck are they all about then?
Do these people really think we're so stupid not to notice that the cheapo Italian actor is merely moving his lips while Stephen Fry (the voice of them all, bless him) sits in a London recording studio dubbing on the English soundtrack? Do they not care that, no matter how hard poor Stephen tries, the lips are never quite in synch like a bad martial arts movie? Answers: Yes, and no.
And I bet you haven't even noticed that all car number plates on TV ads are reversible so the image can simply be reversed to show both left and right and drive? You did? Oh. Just getting it off my chest. I'll get me coat.
* Thank you to Gert for giving me a new word of the day.