The latest from Fox News:
With elections in the 53rd state of America coming up at the end of the month (51= UK, 52=Afghanistan, 53=Eye-raq), don't forget it is your sworn duty as a citizen to support the troops you sent to liberate cheap oil from THE TERRORISTS.
Here's a list of useless things you can do before stern looking men in dark suits and very expensive watches come knocking at your door:
* Put a Sticker on your car
* Tell everyone you support the troops
* Put a flag on your front lawn
* Pray more
* Vote for Bush
* Pray until your eyes bleed and your family lies dead at your feet following the casting out of demons.
* Complain to your local broadcaster about the unpatriotic, liberal homosexual leanings of the Teletubbies
* Burn your local library, a whorehouse of blasphemy and liberal slander against our great nation
* Vote for Bush again, just in case.
* Get on your knees for THE LORD, there's no such thing as too much praying to the Commander-in-Chief
In other news: I am not mad.
The Art of Manly
No: 17 - The bottle: Today's exploration of the world of the Manly Arts* looks at the use of the plastic bottle. The subject returns from the pub after a night of manly chat and excessive drinking and will take a plastic drink bottle to bed with him.
This bottle is not for further refreshment. Oh no! The bottle is used by the student of the manly arts so he doesn't have to get out of bed every ten minutes to relieve himself, risking a trip to the toilet that could end in pissing-on-the-other-half's-stuff disaster.
You tutor, until very recently, was under the impression that he was the only person in the world who did this, but now understands it is passed down through the generations as a celebration of all that is manly.
A warn of warning, however, for those suffering short-to-medium term memory loss: do not, under any circumstances use an old whisky bottle. You are bound to forget the manly antics of the night before, wake clutching a bottle of yellow liquid , and assume that you have unfinished business with Mr Teacher.
* You missed parts 1-16. You were probably out being less than manly, and let that be a lesson to you.