Thursday, January 20, 2005

The Thursday Can't Be Arsed-o

The Thursday Can't Be Arsed-o

My brother has sent me a tale of mirth and woe involving chickens which is officially pants-pissingly funny. So damp are my trousers, in fact, that I am now wracked with jealousy over the fact that I am no longer the funny one in this family.

So, to prove myself wrong, I have written a joke, which I can assure you is ALL the funny.

Q: How do bakers listen to music?
A: With a pie-pod (an i-Pod!)

It clearly needs a bit of work. I foresee a long career writing gags for Christmas crackers. But with your gift of love* you can save me from this fate. Leave you terrible jokes in the Speak your Brains section below. Worst one wins a prize**!

*Cold, hard cash, if you don't know by now
** A kick in the genital area of your choice

Of clock-up cats

Clock-up cat: the condensed story, because you wouldn't stop asking:

1. The Duck family got a cat. No clocks were involved.

2. We went to Pets-u-like superstore to get catty provisions for as-yet non-clocky cat.

3. Young daughter writes shopping list. She was five at the time.

4. List reads, amongst the usual stuff like "basket" and "cat food", such delights as "scarty pole" and "clock-up mouse"

5. That's "scratching post" and "clockwork mouse" when translated back into English

6. Idiot dad picks up on the work clock-up, because it's funny. Wife doesn't think so and compares it unfavourably to "that business with the duck".

7. Anything cat-related soon becomes clock-up, including, at length, the cat itself.

8. Cat dies in bizarre fish-related accident. Stupid fishs. Buried in the family pet cemetary under a sundial.

Happy now?

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