When I'm not thinking up tales of mirth and woe, I like to read the Daily Confession, a daily e-mail-me-do filled with the worst of people. OK, more often than not it’s all about American teens’ brushes with immorality, but every now and then they throw up a classic:
I am a single male living in a small apartment.
My girlfriend came over and helped me clean my place last weekend. We cleaned everything- the sinks, the toilet, the mirrors, the windows, the end tables.
I don't have a toilet brush and I use an old toothbrush that I store in the wastebasket for this purpose (weird, I know). Well, this morning, I realized that the toothbrush I have been brushing my teeth with for the past few days is THAT BRUSH. I had left it on the toilet tank and my girlfriend saw it and moved it by the sink.
I may die...
I pooped in my garbage can because I was too lazy to walk down the hall to the bathroom. It was dark, I was drunk, it seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Next morning - the room reeks and it turns out that somehow, I mistook my open backpack for the trashcan.
Not my brightest moment.
Christ, it's almost as if they know me.
Anybody out there want to confess something? It's good for the soul, and we will be laughing with you, not at you*.
* May not strictly be true