And the voting-up never seems to stop. Choose, then, tomorrow’s tale of mirth and woe. Choose! Or die!
* Foot in Mouth – “Mmmmmph”, he said, realising that this particular fetish wasn’t all it was cracked up to be
* Thumb – “Nyaaaaargh!”, he said, realising that this particular fetish was worse than the last one
* Scott the Plank – “Spaaangngngng!”, he said, realising that normal people just didn’t do this kind of thing
The value of quotes, as usual, may go up or down.
And the Winner …err… Loser is…
After two days of frantic ballot box stuffing (I'm so proud of you), we are finally able to announce the winners of the Scaryduck Worst Person Ever Awards.
UK Edition: Phil Collins.
Rightly so, for a life of smug wankery, turning Genesis into a pop band, making Buster and being a bald cunt.
Any excuse, then:
US Edition: Tom Cruise.
We have been asked to publish a message from Mr Cruise's legal representatives, and who are we to refuse?
"Tom Cruise is glad to accept this award as the best person in the world, ever. Strutting, manly, six foot ten Cruise, who has never touched a man's bottom and is not mad in any way whatsoever, encourages you all to go and pay to see his latest film by way of celebration.
His recent engagement to a luscious, pouting and by all means tall Hollywood starlet whose name he can't quite remember right now - but you really ought to pay money to see her latest film as well - proves how excellent he really is; and he never has, never will cave into the urge to touch a man's bottom. Long live Cruise, towering, heterosexual king of the universe!"
Coming next week: The Best Person in the World award - the winner of which will then go head-to-head with Phil Collins in a fight to the death. See? I said you should have voted for Kilroy, but did you listen?