Monday, July 04, 2005

Poker face

Poker Face

February 19th 1992. England play France at the old Wembley Stadium in a friendly international, where nothing but cross-channel pride was at stake. For the large crowd, however, we were there to support a team featuring the likes of Lineker and Shearer, plus one Geoff Thomas, of whom the majority of the crowd were expecting great things against a strong, unbeaten French outfit.

So, at some point in the second half, Thomas picked up the ball in the French half, and, as the defence melted away before him, the goal beckoned.

The crowd roared its encouragement, and Thomas shot. From forty yards out. The ball went for a throw-in, and the pitch opened up and swallowed Thomas’s career in one gulp.

Poor old Geoff became a bit of a figure of fun around the football grounds of the UK, and the poor bugger ended up playing for Wolves.

Actually, I do him a disservice. Intelligent players are a rarity in British football – the vast majority are hardly able to string more than two words together, and any footballer with more than one GCSE is known as “Professor”. Geoff has a brain in his head, and a desire to succeed.

Two years ago, Geoff Thomas was diagnosed with leukaemia, a condition he fought with dignity, coming out the other end with a new determination to do something positive.

And this year, following the example of six-times winner and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong he’s doing the Tour de France.

Not the race, obviously, but hammering along a couple of days ahead of the field, raising cash for Leukaemia Research. So far, he’s raised sixty-three grand, and God, he deserves to raise more.

I’ve promised to stop taking the piss out of the Geoff Thomas Shot. Send money.

Crazy l33t sk1lls, again

In an all-too-soon return to an earlier thread, it is my duty to inform you of a talent I never knew I had, discovered during the Ducklings’ school summer fete.

“Gess teh number off sweets in the Jar”, said the poster (which I suspect may have been written by a teacher). So, I paid my 20p, waved my hand over the top in the accepted Jedi style and made my “gess”. 633.

Minutes later, there was another stall offering exactly the same competition. Bit of Jedi hocus-pocus, 447.

I am now the proud owner of 1080 sweets and a tin of Asda own-brand red kidney beans from the tombola. I am also this: as sick as a dog.

F3ar me and my l33t confectionary counting sk1llz, puny humans!

Hey! It's the 4th of July!

Take it away Cuddly Ken (Dec'd)!

"If they can't take a joke - round 'em up, put 'em in a field and bomb the bastards!"
Kenny Everett, genius and dead person

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