Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Scaryduck ‘Worst Person Ever’ Awards

The Scaryduck ‘Worst Person Ever’ Awards

We need to know. You need to know. And thanks to an ongoing discussion in another place we are able to tell you.

Nominations, then, are open to find the Official Worst Person Ever in association with “Hello!” magazine, the publication for vapid cunts.

Allow me to make a start on this venerable work:

Kate Moss. Already the World’s Stupidest Woman, plumbs new depths with her relationship with the crack addict’s crack addict Pete Doherty. ‘Highlights’ of her celebrity include the reported cat-walk comment “See that necklace? It’s been up my arse.” A google image search finds approximately three results out of 10,000 featuring alleged “supermodel” Moss wearing actual clothes. An example to us all.

Jeffrey Archer. The worst person ever throughout the eighties and the nineties has found his crown slipping over recent years. Perhaps a spell in the Big House has blunted his edge as a fully paid-up bonafide twat, as he’s not lied, cheated or generally annoyed the crap out of the entire country for years. "You wait 'till I'm Mayor, you'll find out how tough I am! Christ Almighty..." Prick.

Geri Halliwell. Look, I don’t need a reason. An empty shell of a person who constantly craves attention like a vampire needs fresh blood, or else she’ll wither away and die. If I ruled the world, I’d have her fired out of a cannon straight up Vanessa Feltz’s flanges.

Also: Richard and Judy, Peter Andre, Katie “Jordan Price”, The Beckhams plc, Ann Widdecombe, Mother Teresa of Calcutta and many, many others.

Nominate-me-up, with your reasons, and we can have a full-on vote on this. Naturally, I’d like to give the winner their prize in person, which would make it even more aces, and adds a level of risk to the proceedings you don’t see in regular award shows.

Let me leave you with one final thought: Prince Edward, Duke of Wessex - so useless, he can't even win this competition.

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