We 'heart' you, Ann Noreen Widdecombe!
Next Wednesday, the 4th October marks the 59th birthday of the one person that unites us all as Scaryduck readers: Ann Noreen Widdecombe. So, we thought, in this new age of being vaguely nice to members of the Conservative Party, because we can't entirely blame them for their life choices, it would be A Good Thing to send her a lovely present for her birthday.
We thought long and hard about this, because - let's face it - what do you get for the woman who has everything? A woman who, in her time as Prisons Minister, visited every single jail in the country and still didn't get bummed in the showers. Alas, our plan to send Miss Widdecombe a brand new goat hit the buffers early on, as it appears she has all the caprine companions she can eat.
So. Whatever you think of the Member for Maidstone and The Weald - saviour of modern society through common-sense values, arsed-faced Tory harridan, or the face that launched a thousand ill-advised boners - please suggest what we should be sending A. N. Widdecombe to make her day.
Me, to help her with her burgeoning career as a writer, I'm going to send her a somewhat heavily thumbed ring-binder with the words "Ann Widdecombe Slash Fiction" scrawled on the front which I …err… found in the alley behind our house. That's right. I found it. Yes.
Degree of difficulty: No 12-inch Black Mambo Super Kong Anal Intruder. She's already got one.
Also: More Duck-authored crap HERE.