After some twenty years of resistance, I have shamefully given up the fight and my CD collection is now horribly inter-mingled with Mrs Duck's. It's not so bad. My Boo Radley discs have not melted in close proximity to her Jennifer Lopez, and Bowie still hasn't tried to murder The Corrs. More's the pity.
Now that my music is her music and vice versa, it is time to re-assess that all-important question: What is the most embarrassing CD in your collection?
The choice is a simple one:
Right Said Fred - Up.
A disc so bad, that it has survived frequent Amazon and Ebay listings, and always, always returns from car boot sales unsold. Charity shops have taken one look at our offering, and left it on our doorstep in the middle of the night. One Thursday morning, the binmen came knocking and gave us a stern lecture on why a Right Said Fred CD would bugger up the insides of their lorry, council tax payers or not.
It is the disc that we cannot shift. Like pornography, you simply cannot get rid of badly produced botter pop.
Her excuse: "It was a present. I can't remember who."
My reply: "They must have hated your guts."
Also: "Hang on. This came out in 1991. We were married in 1991. Who was giving you Right Said Fred CDs?"
"Ah. You did ask for it, though?"
"You never buy me decent presents."
Hoist by my own petard.
The Freds' 1991 meisterwerk beats my previous embarrassing purchase - on which I actually spent genuine cash money for my own personal entertainment - into a cocked hat:
R. Williams - Life Thru A Lens
When I think of this album, one word springs to mind. And it is this: "Anus"
I thought, making a rush purchase at Heathrow Airport on the way out for a two-week working trip to South Korea that it might have some decent tunes on it. I was wrong. But then, I was on Prozac at the time, and all I had for my listening pleasure was the musical equivalent of a bum-hole.
On my return, I gave it to Mrs Duck, and like a cursed Right Said Fred disc, it has found its way back into my collection. Life's a bastard like that.
Now: Fess up!