A list of things I have learned this week, quite by accident

A list of things I have learned this week, quite by accident

A list of things I have learned this week, quite by accident:

* John Cleese's father changed the family name from Cheese to Cleese when he joined the army in 1915, to avoid barrack-room ribbing. I would have preferred "Fromage" as an alternative.

* My car has a switch in the footwell that turns off the electronic engine management. It works better without it, and none of the wheels has fallen off recently.

* The phrase 'Hoist by his own petard' was coined by Shakespeare, and means, literally, 'burnt by his own bomb', a petard being a bomb used to blow up gates and walls in a siege.

Well, I'll be dipped.

I have also found out what a 'Hot Carl' is. Look it up for yourself. If you dare.

Anyhoo, I have a short list of Scary stories ready for this week, and they number three. Three being the number of stories. Three.

It's a serial killers special. Choose! Choose - or die!

* Take a Break: It was only after the "How Clean is your House" team had been filming for the best part of an hour, that Fred and Rose realised they meant to clean out the cellar as well. By the end of the day, there might be a few extra holes in the garden Rose joked, and she was right.

* Disney: "You see, Mr Nilsen," said Kirstie, "This place just hasn't got the kerb appeal to sell, and the toilet appears to be blocked. By the way, have you seen Phil? I'm sure I saw him earlier." "Denis. Call me Denis. Would you like some of this meat stew?"

* Hospital: "It's my bunions, Doctor Shipman," said Ann Noreen Widdecombe, "They've really been giving me gip this week. Can you give me something for them?"

And your reward: Harry Enfield extravaganza!

Women: KNOW YOUR LIMITS

Charles "Charlie" Charles

Oi! Wales! NO!

Is that what you want? Cos that's what's gonna happen

Serial killers. H. Enfield. Now there's an idea. Vote!