On setting yourself targets

On setting yourself targets

It's always good to set yourself targets in life. Jobs - financial reward - exams, it all serves to give your life a purpose. I have recently achieved long-standing aims in gaining my Open University degree and seeing my book in print, but I have yet to se my family secure.

Whenever I see a Securicor van, I always check to see if they've left the keys in the ignition, so settling this last goal is only a matter of time.

I remember when I was a teenager. My goals in life seemed so much simpler, and could be described thussly:

i) Pass my O-Levels with the least effort possible;

ii) Do the Barclays in every room in the house.

Not a problem, though the cupboard under the stairs was a bit of a squeeze, and the loft took weeks of planning.

God, the lads at school were green with envy when I told them. Even the six-times-a-night tuggers were deeply impressed by my tales of onanism in the garage and spider-infested summer house. It was like I had joined some kind of club, which of course, I hadn't.

The King of the Wankers they called me back then, and even now, they still do.

And then, we got a conservatory, and that's when the woe really started.