Seven Inches of Joy
My local rag, always on the lookout to fill column inches, is asking readers for their top 10 singles, so it can throw together the music editor's 100 for the town.
It's going to be the Birdie Song, I can tell.
Surprisingly, once you've weeded out the usual Coldplay, Queen and Robbie Williams (not that there's anything wrong with that kind of thing - the new Mental Health Act should sort that little problem out for once and for all) the replies they've put online have rated relatively well on the Scaryduckworth-Lewis Scale of Rating Things for Excellence.
And because I'm a lazy bastard, I've cut-and-pasted my current top ten list onto these pages so you can have a right old laugh at my expense.
1. Manic Street Preachers - Motorcycle Emptiness
2. Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
3. Inspiral Carpets - This Is How It Feels
4. Sparks - The Number One Song in Heaven
5. Killing Joke - Love Like Blood
6. Propaganda - Duel
7. Mighty Wah! - Story of the Blues
8. Ultravox - Vienna
9. Teardrop Explodes - Reward
10. The Smiths - How Soon is Now?
11. New Order - Temptation
12. Depeche Mode - Everything Counts
13. This Mortal Coil - Song to the Siren
14. Pulp - Common People
15. Saint Etienne - He's on the Phone
Never-ever-going-to-make it-onto-the-list-but-I-spent-actual-cash-money-on it:
1,287,928. The Monks - Nice Legs, Shame About the Face
The slightly-expanding-how-did-I-forget-that list:
16. Blondie - Heart of Glass
17. Black - Wonderful Life
18. A-Ha - The Sun always Shines on TV
19. Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy
20. Talk Talk - Life's What You Make It
Oh sod it, let's make it a top twenty, then.
21. Echo and the Bunnymen - The Killing Moon.
I think I'll stop now. Go on, you know you want to add your own.