As you know, I am a generous sort of person, who will go out of his way to help his fellow human or small fluffy animal in their hour of need. That is why I have taken it upon myself to take part in this important 100 per cent genuine national charitable event.
Big thanks to the pair of derelicts who have already signed up. When the going gets tough, you can always rely on tramps:
Your gift of love will go a long way
Total number of attractive blondes so far: NIL, but rising to one once the lovely Mrs Duck finds out about this little scheme.
Or, you could keep your money and horsewhips in your pocket and vote for one of the following Tales of Mirth and Woe from this ever-dwindling list. Vote-o quote-os from the poor, dead House of Lies:
• Doctors and Nurses: "If you walk into any Texaco petrol station, take all your clothes off and say the secret password ‘Napoleon’, you are rewarded with free unleaded for a year"
• A Trip to Edinburgh: "In an effort to be more socially realistic, one Barbie doll in ten thousand has Tourette’s Syndrome"
• Grand National: "Soylent Green really does exist -- it is sold to an unsuspecting public as Turkish Delight"
Vote! Vote! Vote-me-up! Send me money! Whip me!