Things you thought were funny when you were fourteen, but were, in fact, horribly tragic and not funny at all
Excuse: I was a kid. And a retard.
No.1: The time the girl in the electric wheelchair got her throttle stuck, running horribly amok around the school playground until she crashed into the Sports Hall.
We shouldn't have laughed, but the whole screaming, shrieking chase was strangely compelling and the conclusion horribly, sickeningly funny.
She never returned to school, and the access ramps they put in ended up as an out-of-hours escape-from-the-caretakers stunt factory.
I saw her ten years later, when she sold me my eighties-tastic arctic bomber jacket in Top Man, dispelling once and for all the playground rumour that she was dead.
"We thought you were dead," I said.
"You prick," she replied.
And so to the Thursday Vote-o
Four stories for you to vote for, including a 12-inch remix version of a Scaryduck classic for the benefit of my new-found gun-toting readership.
* The Morning After: "Tropical fish, as a rule, do not react well to vodka-laden vomit."
* Fishing, and why it is shit: "I emptied my bowels over a post nuclear wasteland near Bognor Regis where people go to die, increasing property values immensely"
* Launcher: "We turned to the elderly lesbian down the road, who held us hostage and made us weed her garden. Kinky."
* Guns (12" Remix version): "You utter, utter, utter, total spack-handed CUNT!"
Vote-me-up then, and you might wish to tell me that I am a bad person for laughing at those far less fortunate.