On selling religious artefacts for genuine cash money
Hello. I am Scaryduck Junior and I am excellent.
The other day, this old man in a terrible nerdy anorak and flaky skin came to our school. We liked him, though, because he gave us all free stuff.
Boxes and boxes of free stuff.
He gave us a little talk at the front of the school hall, and then we all took turns going up and getting an absolutely free no-cash-changing-hands copy of the Bible.
He must have LOADS to get rid of, because he says he keeps leaving them in every hotel room in the world*. He certainly gets about.
Gideon is now my best friend.
Gideon is an even better friend to Liam from my class.
"Gideon," he asked, "Could you sign my bible?"
"My name's not...err... why?"
"So I can be reminded of your visit here every time I open these pages."
Touched to the very heart, Gideon opened the front of Liam's bible and signed his autograph.
"To Liam, God Bless you, squiggle-squiggle," he wrote.
Ten minutes later:
"Bible! Bible! Get your bible here! Signed by the author!"
* This is an outrageous lie, because I stole a copy of The Teachings of Buddha and a dressing gown from the outrageously expensive Westin Tokyo and still have them both, and a heap of bad karma