Congratulations on being the number one county council on the central south coast of England, a position you've achieved despite stiff opposition from those bastards in Dorset.
Having recently moved to Hampshire, and drawing on my experience of living in other lesser counties (for eg Dorset), I thought I should write to you and offer a couple of suggestions to make the central south coast's premier county even better!
For a start, there's your county town of Winchester. Picturesque, historic, but a bit flat. Why not use your powers and rename the place to give it the vim and gusto the south's best county town deserves. Pulling on my experience of online communities, I've come up with this:
Yeah? YEAH?! That's what the people of Hampshire want and deserve. Make it so.
Also, ALDERSHIT. Because you can.
I am not mad.
Your new pal Albert O'Balsam
Fleet (Soon to be renamed Galactic Fleet HQ), Hampshire