Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Scaryduck Consumer Test: Value Brand Dog Poo Bags (39p for about a million)

So, we ask ourselves, are Value Brand Dog Poo Bags (39p for about a million) worth the money?

Armed with a handful, I took my canine assistant Charlie "Medium Beans" O'Hanrahan up the woods to find out.

After a short distance in which Charlie demonstrated his willingness to Bark Now, Ask Questions Later at two other dogs taking their exercise, he duly obliged with a pancake which could only be described as several slugs partaking in an orgy. An extreme test for the Value Brand Dog Poo Bags (39p for about a million), so how did they hold up?

Structurally, they were a shambles and structural integrity was lost at an early stage, resulting in a thumb ending up in the target faeces. There were witnesses. The resulting mess demanded that this operation now became a double-bagger, and the extra time pulling another Value Brand Dog Poo Bag (39p for about a million) off the roll resulted in an unimpressed Charlie pissing in my trainer.

Strength-wise, not so good. Brushing against some brambles later in the walkie led to both bags splitting open and spilling green turds own the leg of my fourth best jeans. Once again, there were witnesses, and it was an unprecedented triple-bagger that made it to the bin on the way home.

So, the results of our road test of Value Brand Dog Poo Bags (39p for about a million): No structure, no strength, fiddly to use, and about as trustworthy as the containment field in the film Ghostbusters. But, on the plus side, 39p for about a million.

Would buy again.


Trainer John said...

Tesco or Asda small food / freezer bags. Cheap - 75 or 100 on the roll for about 80p - tough, and big enough for a greyhound dump. There's nothing like wrapping your plastic encased fingers around a warm deposit of a winter's morning.

Phil Parker said...

And transparent.

"If I've had to pick it up, you can all look at it!"

Richard said...

Why did you need to take your trainer off?

Howard said...

So you'd recommend them then?