Music Policy: RNB, Hip-Hop and Commercial house
Now, I'm sure that this translates as "Music Policy: Shit", but I like the idea of there being a music policy notice outside the door of any business where music is played. That way, the prospective customer gets the chance to make up their mind whether they're going to go in or not, knowing that they could escape a chance encounter with Simply Red.
The music policy notices of a few of the places I've been in recent weeks might look like this:
Barber shop: Commercial FM radio, the wailing souls of the dead
Dentist: Beastie Boys - Ill Communication
B&Q: Sound-alike, royalty-reduced cover versions of popular chart hits
Starbucks: Selections from the works of the composer Edvard Grieg. Presumably royalty- and tax-free
Big-brand shops shop: Gangsta Rap, complete with swears and old ladies complaining to the manager
Asda: "Asda FM" in-store radio featuring chart hits. WARNING: My also encourage customers to sing along tunelessly, slumped over the bar of the supermarket trolley like they've had all the bones in the upper part of their body removed.
It's also a handy guide to where I ought to be sending the Death Squads in those bloody and confused days after the Glorious Revolution. B&Q - you have been warned.