Friday, May 20, 2011

The LibDem-Conservative Coalition: One Year On

The LibDem-Conservative Coalition: One Year On

We've had this LibDem-Conservative coalition government for just over a year, and it is fair to say that they've got a bit of an image problem.

The Conservatives come across as a bunch of millionaire ex-Eton types bullying the poor, disabled, the poor disabled and the Liberal Democrats.

The Liberal Democrats, on the other hand, come across as a bunch of utter dickwads who rightly deserve their human shield status.

However, it is pointless slamming our political betters if you do not offer solutions which could rehabilitate them in the eyes of the electorate. This being the case, I offer the following sure-fire vote-winners:

- Pull the Royal Air Force out of their NATO Humanitarian mission to protect the Rebel Alliance in Libya, and have them bomb the Halifax Radio Station adverts back to the stone age, it being the only language these curs understand

- Throw cutter-in-chief Eric Pickles to the wolves. Actual, starving wolves. Just for TEH LULZ. Live on peak-time ITV, presented by Ant and Dec. Failing that - because we frown on violent death in the main - just lure him to a cupboard under the stairs with a trail of tasty, tasty pork pies and lock him there until the crack of doomsday, it being the only language these curs understand

- The promise of free cake, with a national referendum to choose between chocolate or fruit cake (Actual Whitehall expenditure on free cake = £0.00, the cake being a lie)

- Introduce a law banning the practice of clicking 'like' on your own Facebook status, typing "Alistair Coleman likes this", then clicking 'like' on "Alistair Coleman likes this", for this is the road to insanity, chaos, and international conflict

- Monkey butlers, jet packs, Thatcher's head-on-a-stick, monorail. MONORAIL!

I'd vote for that*

*I'd probably not vote for that

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