"Employers! Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin."
I've been reading Viz again. Sorry.
So, here's one I sent in myself:
What a load of rubbish these old wives tales are.
"Red sky at night, shepherd's delight", said a friend of mine - who is an old wife and keeps sheep for a living - whilst observing a particularly spectacular sunset. A few minutes later she was cruelly struck down in a bizarre spacehopper accident.
Old wives - stick to doing what you're best at - such as making my tea.
Yours, S Duck
It's Top Tips like this that made this country what it is today. Any suggestions involving boot polish and old tea bags will be gratefully received, printed out and burned.