Wednesday, March 30, 2005

On Tea


I've been reading Nicey and Wifey's Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down book (the coffee table edition), and have taken the opportunity - as part of the review-writing process - to improve my tea-making skills, which, while not blowing my own trumpet, are already at the l33t end of the scale.

Nicey, in his wisdom, advocates using one standard tea bag for two cups of tea - a novel idea that would be heresy in many a decent, God-fearing tea-drinking home, and a practice Mr PG Tips is doing his best to stamp out through liberal use of monkeys and animated pigeons.

So, I gave it a try, against my better judgment, it has to be said. Result: one lovely, even nice cup of tea, and one cup of something nasty strained through a tramp's sock. And when I find that tramp, I'm going to kick his face off.

It could be that I am - somehow - doing it wrong. Good grief, I've had better results using powdered milk and Tesco Value stuff clearly intended for vending machines. What I really need is one of those teabags the size of a pillow they use in scout hut tea urns that produce something akin to tarmac - get hold of one of them in a bucket and I'll be set of a whole week.

But let us count our blessings. While we are able to sit down and relax with a nice cuppa, there are people in this world to whom this simple pleasure is denied. I am, of course, refering to Americans. Pity them, for the whole nice of tea, decent non-cardboard biscuit and relaxing sit down are all denied to them through recent Supreme Court judgements. And they call it The Land of the Free. Sponsored by Nescafe, I'll bet.

So, where were we? Ah yes. A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down, available in all good book stores, and quite a few fucking rubbish ones. Sixteen thumbs up.

The Arse of Lopez says:

"Buy this book, and some nice Malted Milks". Gruuuuuunt!"
The Arse of Lopez SPEAKS!

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