Wednesday, June 29, 2005



Last night, the President of the United States of America made a speech about Iraq.

You may remember a recent Scaryduck tale of mirth and woe in which, in my late teens, I wrote a rather nifty computerised prose-writing programme, that when coupled with a suitable database, was capable of turning out page after page of red-hot lesbian pornography that has kept the adult publication industry in material for the last twenty years.

It seems, alas, the American government has finally bridged the technology gap and has set this programme the grim task of writing presidential speeches. On the neo-cons’ new Vietnam, Bush made a point of pushing all the buttons:

“September 11th”
“Bin Laden”
“Freedom-loving people”
“September 11th”
“Aaaaargh! They’re gonna kill us in our beds and run off with our daughters!”
“Hey! Kids! Join the Army!”
“Stay the course”
“Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where are you?”

No news on Georgie-boy's anti-terrorist moon laser. I reckon he's saving that one for a really big speech.

I can only think of one person outside of America that believes this guff, and he gives his postcode as SW1A 2AA, and even his grinning fa├žade has slipped somewhat over recent times. He’s got his own problems trying to maintain the Church of Tony’s theocracy – WMD lies, ID cards, car tracking devices, all defended against common sense by sharp-suited government ministers. And Home Secretary Charles Clarke – the man with a head like an elephant’s testicle.

Call me a tin-foil hatted conspiracy theorist, but I’m beginning to believe they really are out to get us.

Was it not Joseph Goebbels that said that thing about lies? Ah yes, he probably said this, and worth repeating in its entirety, for he was a right-wing lunatic as well:

"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State."

Chimpy and co are doing their best to keep the lid on the big lie, but, unhappily for them, it’s all going, as they say, Pete Tong.

If I was a soldier on the ground in Baghdad right now, I’d be root-root-rooting for my commander-in-chief to fall down the stairs. Kennedy, Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt – all remembered for rousing speeches that changed the way America sees the world and how America is seen by the world. The words of the Gettysburg address are engraved on the walls of Lincoln’s own memorial. In contrast, this is brain-dead pap that will be forgotten in a week, another floater in the sewer of empty rhetoric.

God help us if there’s a war.


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