Greetings, B3TA readers - it's likely you've stumbled on this place courtesy of this week's newsletter. You poor, poor people. Here, then, for your delight, the full, unedited version of the tale of woe I submitted. We're big on woe here.
We suffered a major system crash, and spent several hours running round swearing until the monster was fixed.
Boss sticks his head round the door and says "Scary - do us a favour - send an on-screen message to all users to let 'em know the computer's no longer fucked."
So I did.
"ALL USERS: COMPUTER NO LONGER FUCKED"
Then, I dropped my coffee mug. It landed on the Enter key.
Our network had several hundred users in many varied locations round the world.
I was no longer one of them.
Also, greetings to Guardian readers who have found their way here thanks to this here mention. I can assure you that I am not, and never will be, Belle de Jour.
Call me a sad Doctor Who fan: The Bad Wolf website is up at last, and I'm none the wiser.
However, a source who wishes to remain anonymous sends me this. The BBC Cult team having a laugh, there's a funny thing.