A Christmas Tale
From the Gospel of St Albert, the pathological liar
9: And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid to the point of trouser-spoilage.
10: And the angel said unto them, Pick a card, any card. Look, there's nothing up my sleeve. You'll like this. Not a lot.
11: And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, You bloody liar Gabriel, we saw you hide the King of Spades up there ten minutes ago. Besides, Paul Daniels is much better, the lovely Debbie McGee's got smashing legs.
12: And the Angel said unto the heavenly host, You bastards, you never let me have any fun, it's not as if I was going double or quits or anything. Besides, if Paul bloody Daniels is so good, how come he can't stop his house from flooding? Answer me that, eh. Just wait until I win my flaming sword back from the Metratron, then I'll show you.
13: And the heavenly host mocked the angel and said, At least Paul Daniels doesn't go out with his robe tucked into his y-fronts; and lo, they gave the angel a wedgie, and there was great rejoicing.
14: And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, What the bloody hell was that all about then? Pass the sheep, Matthias. Going to the stoning tomorrow?