Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Christmas Vote-o

The Christmas Vote-o

Ho. Ho. And indeed, "Ho". I have stories that number four. And "four" are the number of stories I have. As a matter of fact, I actually have thirty-two, but things could get messy and there may be fatalities, and Baby Jesus will come looking for you with a clunking great spanner screaming "Myrrh! Myrrh! Give me MYRRRRRH!", and then where will we be?

Vote, then for one of these:

* The Operator - "Now listen carefully, 007", said Q, "This may look like a sixteen-inch Monster Kong dildo, but if you twist this end through ninety degrees..."

* Dazed and Confused - At last, Camilla had solved the mystery of her missing laundry. Over Christmas dinner, she dropped the bombshell: "Don't you think the Earl of Wessex is looking bustier than usual?" The Duke of Edinburgh harumphed and hoped nobody would notice his panty-line.

* Potman - Yoko smiled as another royalty cheque for "Merry Xmas (War is Over)" thudded onto her doormat. Opening a secret door known only to a select few, she descended the stairs to the lab, where the final touches were being made to her meisterwerk - the JohnLennonKillBot2000. The war, she knew, would soon be starting over, and, oh yes, this time she would win.

* Driving Test - "What have you got to lose?" his colleagues had suggested, "Tell her she's got great tits and you'll be laughing." So he did, and the former Sir Norman Wisdom found out that Her Majesty's sword was not entirely for ceremonial purposes.

Or simply, you could just save me the effort, and go for:

* The Christmas Tale 'o Doom - And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And Mary said, "It's a girl!"

...the Official Scaryduck Christmas Greeting, which will virtually guarantee my fate in the burning pits of Hell. Heigh ho, look on the bright side - at least I'll stay warm in the forthcoming Ice Age.

And in real-life news

My Open University exam result thundered into my inbox yesterday like a big thundery thing.

That's S. Duck BSc (Hons), Dip Pol, Cert Soc Sci (Open), to you.

That deserves a honk.


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