"Gobble"

"Gobble"

And so he returns from That There Turkey. The more eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed this article in the barking mad press regarding my assignment to Istanbul.

A junket?

A junket?

If there was junketing, I certainly didn't get to see any of it. I've got about thirty pages of notes to write up because, Mr Unnamed-Tabloid-Hack, I was working.

If you ask me, certain people at Associated Newspapers *cough* Daily Mail *cough* are jealous of the BBC's position in the world, where so many of its staff were invited to the industry's foremost event to discuss the issues and advances that touch the lives of - literally - billions. And the Mail wasn't.

Naturally, then, they wouldn't like to see this lot, snatched, if it pleases the court, in the few moments of free time granted to your hard-working reporter.

I also did the biggest unbroken poo I've ever done in my forty years on this planet. Alas, the batteries ran out in my camera.

Also: And speaking of fiction.... It's all lies, I tell you!