On having a reputation
I don't know what kind of person you lot think I am.
I like to think of myself as a kind, caring family man with a talent for THE FUNNAY.
However, I am certain that others are of the opinion that I am slightly unhinged, harbouring an obsession for rich, brown vomit, bottoms and things that come out of bottoms.
These people are probably right.
That, then, explains, why a reader sent me a picture of a pool of vomit they photographed whilst on a trip to New York.
Graham went all the way to New York, saw vomit and thought of me. Pink vomit, at that.
Fair play to them, I thought, for including a pigeon in shot so the reader gets some idea of scale. [Warning: Picture contains vomit, pigeon saying 'Om nom nom nom pink vomit nom']
More tellingly, I immediately thought "They've been drinking red wine, that makes pink voms" because I have personal experience of the rosé deluge.
Tomorrow: "Hey Scary --- I done a fantastic poo last night that came out in the shape of Sarah Beeny. Here's a picture."
The day after tomorrow: Explaining to Mrs Duck why I broke my promise on no longer writing about waste bodily fluids
The day after that: "Dear The Dorset Echo --- Something involving public toilets, projectile vomit and Kylie Minogue, Yours etc, Kim Jong-Il"