The office phone rings. "Hello - Luv-a-Rub Massage Parlour and Nudey Dance Club" I say, putting on my seediest voice.
"What are you on?"
It is my lovely wife, the charming Mrs Duck.
"You know that thing we talked about over the weekend?" she asks.
"What? About how you've forgiven me for the artichoke poisoning and you're in love with me again?"
"No - the other thing"
"You mean you WANT to do the thing with the whipped cream?"
Sigh... "NO. The other thing."
"Oh. Right. What about it?"
"I've made a start. I knocked the bedroom wall down after you left for work this morning."
"Wait... WHAT?"
"And do us a favour - sort out a plumber pretty sharpish. And a skip."
"Wait... WHAT?"
"And don't forget the whipped cream. I've got the bicycle pump ready."
"Wait... WHAT?"
This cannot end well. I'm supposed to be the mental in this household.
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