Pinch and a punch an' all that.
Greatest living Englishman Neil Gaiman – who I once pestered mercilessly until he wrote the foreword to my book – imparts this excellent piece of advice in a recent blog entry on the difficulties of male grooming whilst curs-ed with sensitive skin:
- Rub your stubble with hair conditioner. Wash it off. Shave. No scraping.
This is excellent news, because in a hurry to leave the house this Monday morning - completely distracted by the rush to get school-age offspring out of bed - in a week where I am working away from home, my entire wash kit comprises thussly:
a) Hotel theft toothbrush-and-toothpaste kit, indeterminate flavour
b) Industrial-sized, hairy bar of soap of the kind you only ever find in schools
c) One bottle of hair conditioner, 69p from cheapskates' parade in Budgens
d) A dodgy-looking disposable razor a colleague brought back from a least-said-about-it-the-better trip to the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan
With my oh-so-sensitive fizzog now sporting four days' worth of wirey bum-fluff, it is time to pop the blade from its 'Made in Quezon City, Philippines' wrapper and take my life in my hands.
This had better work, or Gaiman – providing I don't bleed TO DEATH - you're in trouble.
Some time later: Face. It hurts. Chin like Desperate Dan. Oh, the agogogonies.
Flight of the Darned
Whilst a nice man at BBC Bristol bases an entire future episode of Casualty on the blood-spattered bathrooms of this charming establishment, I prod you towards this:
The web's best – and only - Doctor Who / James Bond / Airplane! / Star Wars / Walking with Dinosaurs / Sarah Jane Adventures / Kylie Minogue mash-up video EVER
"Oh, God almighty"
Apologies for the K. Minogue ear-worm, but it's in a good cause.