On there being nothing on the telly these days
Hello. I am Scaryduck Junior and I am excellent. You may call me Kingpin, brains behind the St Custard's School Tuck Shop Scam, if you wish. I am here because my dad isn't funny any more and I am TEH KING OF LULZ.
I was surfing all three million TV channels we get on our Sky dish, and noticed there was nothing on. Even the shoppping channels were rubbish.
It got me thinking, though. What if, I thought, what if TV stars from one programme accidentally got onto the wrong shows and ran amok, bent of destruction? It would be this: EXCELLENT.
Here's some that I came up with:
- Britain's got Tarrant: This could also be the Japanese version of our favourite low quality talent show
- Beale or No Beale: The EastEnders star is in a box with no air and nothing but a small portion of greasy chips. But which one?
- Only Fools and Morse's: Wrinkled old policeman solves crime in Peckham, then dies of a heart attack
- Emmerdalewinton: This is the best joke I've ever made up, ever
And some from my dad (who isn't funny any more):
- The Adventures of Connie Huq-leberry Finn: Lightly-oiled Blue Peter-presenting Olympic shill escapes down the Mississippi
- Steptoe and Clarkson: Rag-and-bone man trades in the horse and cart for a Bugatti Veryron
- Mr Lightly-oiled Sarah Bean-y: Starring Rowan Atkinson with a load of socks stuffed up his tank top
I know what you're thinking. Yes, mine were tons better, and you can't take him anywhere. We tried. They wouldn't let us in until he went back to the car.