Friday, June 27, 2014

Motoring for Duffers

Your typical rear view of a Vauxhall Corsa

I drive a disturbing amount every year, and often find myself at the mercy of every slow-moving chicane and motoring halfwit on the road.

I'm not talking Audi and BMW drivers, whose lead-footed half-wittedness is well known, but the kind of person who is now looking to replace their ageing Rover.

You know: Sensible hat, travel blanket on the rear shelf, and the universal symbol of bad driving on the bumper. All at a steady 10-20mph under the speed limit no matter where they are, with random unexplained braking.

The universal symbol of bad driving
I'm possibly ten years away from becoming one of these people, so mark my words – if you know somebody like this, encourage them to take a bus.

But in the mean time, what car they driving? All the Rovers they bought in the fire sale ten years ago are now clapped out and doing laps of Aldershot Banger Racing Stadium, so what's the motor of choice for these non-maniacs?

And after weeks of slow moving observation, I am convinced that they have overlooked Kia cars completely and are now pottering about in Vauxhalls.

I repeat: Vauxhalls.

If you've got a Vauxhall, sell it now. You've got an arsehole car. This coming from a Nissan Micra driver.


Agent Orange said...

I think the Vauxhall Aguilera or whatever it is called was aimed at these people. Every single one I've seen on the road is driven badly and in slo mo

TRT said...

I changed my Rover for a Prius. I still have the red chequered travel blanket tucked under the rear seat headrest. Sets off nicely against all the leather upholstery.

Anonymous said...

Small correction on the speed thing, if I may.
They actually drive at 40MPH. Everywhere.
Nice open A-roads. 40MPH.
Twisty and entertaining B-roads. 40MPH
Villages with a 30 limit. 40MPH
School crossing zones. 40MPH

The only exception is motorways, where they do 60MPH. In the middle fucking lane.

Flaxen Saxon said...

On Sunday,these days, I drive a T34 tank. Anyone in my way gets a round up da arse from my 85mm ordinance.