Walt Disney's Minnie Mouse, RIP

Why did nobody tell me about Minnie Mouse dying? I had to find out about it on Facebook of all places.

And to make things worse, it looks like poor Mickey's taking it really badly.

Instead of the help he so clearly needs, he's being forced - at the end of an electric cattle prod - to get up on the carnival float and do another parade down Main Street at Disneyland Paris. And it's killing him.

Why - we ask - is he feeling so guilty?

That'll be it. Minnie gave birth to a dog, and it drove her over the edge. Tragic.

How many times have we seen loved ones giving birth to dogs, leading to a tale of tragedy and woe? Too many times, that's how many. 

I think I speak for us all when I say: RIP MINNIE MOOSE U ARE WIV DA ANGLES IN HEVEN WIV DIANA AND CECIL THE LOIN. AND ALSO CILLA AND THE QUENE MUM GOD BLESS HER.

I am not mad.