Tuesday, January 06, 2004

The Scaryduck guide to... smuggling penguins onto airliners

It's always the same. You go on holiday, have a few drinks, and before you know it, you're faced with the problem of getting that ill-advised purchase onto the plane home. Don't sweat - you'll get Mr Flippers back home with minimal jail time if you follow our foolproof guide.

- Wear dark glasses and claim he is your guide penguin. Any attempt to harrass you is dicrimination against the disabled.
- Superglue a handle to his back and insist that he is the latest line of designer handbag: "Gaultier's got one"

- "Airport security - we understand there is an illicit shipment of fish on this aircraft. Go fetch, boy!"
- "Are you stupid? Can't you see my son supports Newcastle United?"

- Hide it inside the llama you are also smuggling on board
- Buy him a first class ticket, and continually refer to him as "Maestro"

- Pretend to be a BBC film crew from TV's Jim'll Fix It, and produce a letter saying "Dear Jim, please could you fix it for my small flightless bird to go up in a plane."
- Put him inside a condom, swallow him and carry him through customs inside your stomach. Back at home, just wait for nature to do its course, et voila! (Only works for very, very, very small penguins)

Best of luck to you all. Please be aware that the penalties for penguin smuggling are severe and vary from country to country.

Rampant self promotion

The 2004 Bloggies are now upon us. *cough* Vote Scary! *cough*

While you're here, Robber Rabbit has a jolly good story in the Scaryduck stylee, even if he robbed it from somewhere else.

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