Tuesday, September 27, 2005

My son, the heretic and other parables

My son, the heretic

Scaryduck Jr came stomping out of school yesterday in the foulest mood.

“I’m really, really cross with Mrs Hyde,” he said.

Why so?

“We had RE today, and she said God created the world in a week, and all the people on the sixth day.”

Yes, it does say that in the Bible…

“But it’s WRONG! What about the dinosaurs? They were around MILLIONS of years before we were. There’s fossils an’ everything in museums. What about EVOLUTION, dad?”


“And how about all the planets and everything in space? They weren’t all made in one day, either. It’s all wrong, that’s what it is”

Did you tell her?

“No, but I thought it. I didn’t want to get into trouble.”

He is nine.

That’s my boy*.

And there, in the corner of the playground, I noticed a large pile of kindling I hadn’t seen before, piled against what I had previously mistaken for the maypole.

This year, I must choose between the two schools that my children will be going to once they reach the age of eleven. Church School vs Technology College. No brainer, if you ask me.

* For those of you who think I encourage that kind of thing, this: "Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done." – Sir Isaac Newton.

Not Sky Watch

Got Sky? Sickened by the depraved filth that’s leaching its way into your household? Worrying yourself shitty that Satan’s got all the best TV channels and you’re tempted to give those Tarot-wielding fiends on Destiny TV a call? Then stop –get Christian TV.

That’s right! Christian TV! Pay twenty quid a month to receive a Sky receiver that can only receive, good, wholesome Christian channels [and for some unexplained reason, Al-Jazeera and Chinese State TV] and protect your family from the oozing river of filth that is corrupting the minds of our children.

Christian TV – for the viewer who needs to be told what to watch.

And sorry, the Islam Channel’s off the menu as well. We don’t want you heathen Jesus-worshippers corrupting our kids. Ah.

The sickest thing I’ve ever written

…is, of course, a version of the infamous Aristocrats gag.

Over here, for your reading pleasure and/or condemnation.


Nearly forgot... Today is Professor Duck's birthday. Happy birthday, Dad.

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