Monday, November 09, 2009

On Movie FACTS

On Movie FACTS

Here's a FACT: Me an' Fanton are finally getting our act together with The Big Book of Condensed Movies, which may well be ready in time for Christmas. 2010. Me = words, Him = pictures. What it needed though, is something to break up the text, and that something is FACTS.

Here are, then, some of our movie FACTS, wihich are 100% of FACT.

FACT! Legendary Disney short "Steamboat Willy" originally had an 18 Certificate and featured a man wearing dungarees coming to fix a fridge.

FACT! Star Wars director George Lucas originally intended to make a cameo appearance in the original movie as the villainous Jabba the Hutt. It was only in the Special Edition when effects technology became suitably advanced that this became possible.

FACT! Stephen Spielberg originally touted smash hit adventure flick 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' as "the ultimate Jewish revenge movie". He will continue with this theme with his forthcoming feature 'Up Your Arse, Nick Griffin'.

FACT! Hollywood megastar and California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is known around the world for his catchphrase "I'll be back". However, this came after a number of false starts, his original "Der Strassenbahnhaltestelle meines Onkel is volle Hunden" not capturing the imagination of movie-goers.

FACT! Restored to its original glory, the Elvis classic Jailhouse Rock now features the previously-deleted prison shower scene and the long-lost song 'Soap on a rope (Don't want it up my bunghole)'.

FACT! The original script for the smash hit Brit-com Four Weddings and a Funeral was for a public information film about the dangers of making hoax phone calls to the emergency services, to be aired late-night on BBC2, starring Hugh Grant and a Shepherds Bush slattern.

FACT! Coming next year: Titanic II – The Unsinkening. Leonardo di Caprio's back, and this time he's ANGRY

FACT! Guy Ritchie's putting the finishing touches on his latest movie offering. This time, by way of a change, it's a madcap cockney crime caper starring eminent East End actors Ray Winstone, Vinnie Jones and Wellard from EastEnders called "Shut It, You Slag"

Popular chick flick Pretty Woman is about a kerb-crawler. No, wait... that one's true.

FACT! Having run out of cromulent source material from Ian Fleming's 007 books, producers have been forced to merge several of the master's best-known titles for the next James Bond film: The Spy Who Fingered My Pussy Galore

A poll of influential critics and film directors has revealed 'S Club 7: Seeing Double' to be the greatest movie ever made, romping away from distance runners-up 'Citizen Kane', 'The Seven Samurai' and 'Shaving Ryan's Privates'. "It's S Club magic – only twice as much!" enthused Martin Scorsese.

The world's greatest dinosaur movie is based on an actual vomit-based tourist attraction on an island in the Scottish Inner Hebrides: Jura Sick Park

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