What's that sound I hear? Yes, it's the words "Oh Lordy, not him again!" coming from the editorial offices of my local newspaper.Dear The Dorset Echo
I note with some interest that London's Olympic Park is to get a 375-foot specially-designed tower to mark the 2012 Games.
As the Borough of Weymouth and Portland is to host the Olympic sailing events, I am disappointed to learn that the construction of my proposed 300-foot twin statues of the sisters Minogue - standing athwart the harbour entrance, their tanned, naked bodies embodying the very best of Athenian sporting prowess – are not to go ahead.
Instead, we are to get an inflatable rubber Lord Coe on the beach, which is hardly what anyone in their correct state of mind would call an Olympic legacy; especially as his tanned, naked body will be doing nothing but putting our expected international visitors off their fish and chips.
With less than two years to go until the games, it is not too late to provide some sort of permanent erection that will put Weymouth on the map and bring a smile to the face of visitors even after the Olympic circus moves on.
Of course, a 500 foot effigy of local celebrity Martin Clunes built entirely out of recycled materials isn't going to build itself, but the thought that we are contructing perhaps the only giant Clunes head that can be seen from the International Space Station will spur us on in this most important of tasks.
When finished, we can park the Clunes behind Portland and wheel it out on special occasions, such as the annual choosing of the Carnival Queen, and the subsequent sacrifice of last year's Carnival Queen to ensure fertility, fine crops and slightly warmer than average weather, of which we do not speak.
Said too much.
Your pal,
Albert O'Balsam
PS I am not mad
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